February in Indiana

Guys, life just really stinks sometimes.  I ask myself all the time when did I get old enough to experience adult problems?  Oh man, if I could just tell my 20 year old self how easy I had it.  Sure I cried over boyfriends and the "she said what about me?" drama, but if only I knew how silly that all was then.  Being grown up is full of REAL life problems, REAL life heartache, and REAL life decisions.

Currently, I want to shake the hand of someone who is experiencing a relative calm in their life.  It'd be great to ask them what it's like and how great it is to make it through the day without your heart breaking over something in your life or in someone you love's.  If it's you, just take a hot minute and give thanks for your moment of peaceful life.

Throughout the past three years of blogging, I've definitely written about peaks and valleys.  After all, isn't that what life is?  A series of super-great highs and series of super-tough lows?  I'm a long way (fortunately) from the deepest of my lows, but I still dip from time to time.  What's great about coming out of a low (besides that you're coming out of a low!), is that you're blessed with a period of reflection.  You don't gain perspective by everything being awesome all the time.  Valleys strip away every superficial thing we use in our life to cover the ugly and show our true character, who we are at our core, what truly matters to us.  They humble us.  They laugh at the control we think we hold in our lives.  They often bring us to our knees.

Listen, I'm not saying that I'm thankful for having to experience that valley.  I'm definitely not saying I want to experience it again.  But, I am thankful for it renewing my relationship with God.  I am thankful for the strength that I gained.  I am thankful for the deepening of my relationship with Chad.  I am thankful for the new compassion I have for others who have to walk through deep valleys.  And I'm thankful for how it changed me.  When you're in one, it can be pretty bleak, pretty dark.  But, there is always hope.  Hope for when you get through it.  Hope for what happens after.  Hope for what the grander plan may be.  Remember my little ant/tapestry analogy?  That always helps me visualize hope when I need it.

I will say, though, I'm ready for a peak.  Or heck, I'm ready for a plateau even!  I'm ready to be reminded of the good and happy in the world.  I'm anxious to shed the heartache I've been carrying.  I guess there's just not much to be joyful about in February in Indiana!  Except for maybe these guys.....

 

Surviving

I'm not going to lie.  2015 is off to a rough start.

Chad's Mom, our Nana, has been bravely battling Stage 4 breast cancer for five years.  In mid-January her health took a sudden decline and Chad spent three of the four weeks of January in Florida caring for her.  By the grace of God, I survived single-momming it for three weeks.  Last week, they decided he could best care for her here.  So, we've finally got her settled up here just five minutes from our house.  But, man, things have been tough.

Cal was teething and sick for about a week, and now Elena has been sick.  Sick kids are tough.  Like the toughest, most exhausting, patience-testing thing ever.  I have been cleaning up barf about 100 times a day for what seems like a month...Calvin, Elena and yes, even Pete.  Some days it feels like my purpose in life is to clean up puke, do laundry with everything puke/poop-covered and change diapers.  That can certainly wear on a person. (Pun intended:  I literally have "worn" puke every day for a month)

Morale in our house has been pretty low at times.  Chad and I are doing our best to keep up with caring for everyone who needs us.  My sweet husband is carrying the biggest load, caring for his Mom, the kids and me, when I melt down.   Thank sweet Jesus for Chad.  He is always the glue that hold us all together.  We would be a mess without him.

Thankfully, today, Elena is on the mend.  I'm praying I don't fall victim next.  Chad asked me this morning if I needed anything today.  My reply?  A trip to Mexico next week.  Since that's not likely happening, I'll be content that the sun is shining today and our babysitter is here so I can aimlessly wander the aisles of Target for an hour.  It's the little things, guys!

Cal hiding from Mom

Elena and I did some baking while she was sick!  They're cooking at school this month so we wanted to try it at home too.