My Granny

I said goodbye to my dear Granny this week.  She had lived a beautiful 91 years, but the blow of her passing was still just as difficult.  She was my last grandparent and we definitely held a special relationship.  She was an amazing person as evidenced by all the people in the last week who have reached out to let us know how she impacted them.

I was honored to be able to speak a few words I had written about her this week at her services.  I just wish I could have shared them with her while she was still here.  I'll share with you what I wrote:

A Grandmother’s Hands

I woke up the other night thinking about Mamaw’s hands.  I wanted just one more chance to hold them.  They were beautiful hands, though she would definitely disagree with you!  They were thick, strong, firm, but also soft, warm and delicate.  They were no dainty Grandma hands.  

Those hands had reared four children, harvested fields, worked the Kentucky and Indiana soil, laundered clothes, cleaned the house, mended the worn, made countless meals for countless bellies, held the hand of her beloved Harold, hugged each of her grandchildren, cradled all her great-grandchildren and clasped together in prayer every night.  Hers were hands that bore the marks of life in all its joys and difficulties.  91 years of a life well-lived.   

I will miss holding those precious hands, turning them over, running my fingers over the veins and thick wrinkles, but find so much peace knowing that Saturday night she reached them out and was greeted by the hands of Jesus, welcoming her into her eternal home.

I actually wrote that the night she passed, though I didn't yet know she was gone.  I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about her hands and pieced this together in my head.  The next morning, I received the news that she was in heaven and thought that this piece wasn't enough for her.  There was so much more to her that I wanted to share.  So I wrote this,

Velma Jane

You’ll notice on her obituary that it says, Velma Buchanan Albertson.  Her maiden name wasn’t included.  It should have read Velma Prather Buchanan Albertson.  Now looking at that, one might think she wasn’t short on names, but to her, her whole life she was missing a name.  A middle name.  I guess that’s what happens when you are the last of eight children.  Mamaw had unofficially given herself the middle name of Jane for as long as I can remember.  My sweet little Velma Jane.  She had so much personality packed into that tiny little frame, there was no room for a middle name and perhaps her parents knew that the name Velma was all she needed.  

Gosh was Mamaw a fireball.  For my 31 years, my Mamaw always made me laugh.  She was full of spunk, quick wit, laughter and even embraced her southern-hollers-in-Pulaski-County-Kentucky hillbilly ways.  She would do anything for us as kids to make us laugh.  This included taking out her dentures on request, showing us her latest exercise contraption, telling us stories of her childhood, wearing her hardhat in the basement during thunderstorms and being scared of everything.

  

This leads me to the list of things she “disliked”.  Mice, snakes, storms, red hair, her hands, bodies of water, flying in airplanes, unlocked doors, her grandchildren having too many children, being hot in a car “Harold!  Shoot that air on back here”, her family travelling anywhere from home and people telling her what to do.  

Which then leads to me the things she loved, Jesus, Harold, her family, pecan pie, sunshine and clear skies (with no chance of bad weather), Kentucky, Wheel of Fortune, basketball, antiques, gospel hymns,  and people.  She loved people.  Granny never met a stranger and if technically, they did happen to be a stranger, she talked to them long enough to figure out someone she knew who knew them or that she was actually related (this mostly happened in Kentucky).  Everyone who knew her loved her.  I adored her.  

She was the true leader, the root of our family.  She instilled in each of us the only things that matter are faith and family.  In fact, the last time I saw her she said to me, “Family is everything, without it, what do we have?”  She loved us all fiercely and prayed for every member of her family every night.  She had lived her life loving Jesus and she knew where her eternity would be spent.  I’m certain that her greatest prayer was that we would all live our lives for Jesus and be reunited one day in heaven.   There will forever be an enormous hole in our family.  We will miss her, her prayers, her love, her humor and her fire.  All that packed into the tiny little four foot something, no need for a middle name, Velma.  We love you, Granny.

She truly was one-of-a-kind, and I somehow knew that all my life.  Saying goodbye to her, was just as difficult as I imagined it would be but what a promise that we have that I will again someday have her wrap me in her arms and usher me into heaven.  

My beautiful Granny with her brand new triplets in 1947.  My Mom came along 14 months later!

Had these special photos taken in 2012

She told me often that she prayed for Elena many times a day, every day.  

One of my favorites, Granny with Elena in October 2011.

The last picture I took with her, October 2015.

My Little Loves

Since my blog inspiration is lacking of late, I thought I would share with you about the kids lately.  I've been telling myself for several days now that I need to post but either I run out of time or I'm not sure what to post about!

But anyway, Elena is finally getting back to her silly self.  We had been battling something the last month or so and are glad to see her on the mend.  She is totally in love with school and continues to let her personality shine through there.  In fact, last week her teacher sent us two videos of Elena with her friends.  One was during music class, where she was quite vocal about how much she loved the groundhog song they were singing and the other of a little boy singing her song, all the while she grinned from ear to ear!  Both of these brought tears to my eyes.  As a parent you always want your child to fit in, but when your child isn't physically able nor can talk, you wonder about the level of interest their peers will have in them.  For us, seeing the children love Elena regardless of her abilities not only makes my heart swell, but reminds me that I wish all people could be as loving and inclusive to those who are different than us.  Elena is such a social little girl and especially loves when other children interact with her.  I pray all the time that Elena's light will always outshine her disabilities so that other's can love her the way she wants to be loved.

She still keeps us on the go with her schedule, but are looking forward to next week which brings us a day off school and a break from the Jackson Center.  Though I wish we were headed to sunny Arizona for a visit with Gramma and Grampa, I just wasn't brave enough (nor had enough hands!) to handle flying with both kiddos alone!  I'll just have to keep suffering through the winter :)

Now about our other wild one!  Boy, Cal just keeps us laughing.  I mean this kid is joy.  He is such a good boy and we are loving watching him grow and his personality emerge.  At almost 22 months, he loves puzzles, blocks and all his sports stuff.  He loves our family dance parties at night, keeping us laughing at his dance moves and his new attempts at singing the songs.  It's pretty hilarious.  About a month ago, he became obsessed with guitars and trumpets.  Any time he hears a song with either, he announces "tars" or "trum-pits".  He says lots of words, but his favorite right now being "no way".  Not just no, but no way.  He has strung together a couple of sentences, my favorite being "I oh you" (interpreted, I love you).  Ever my little helper, he loves putting things away, sweeping, dusting and helping me put on Sis' shoes of a morning.  Cal has the sweetest, gentlest spirit but knows he can be funny, giggling to himself and uttering "oh gosh".  I swear every thing he does I try to take mental picture of it because he's growing so fast.

Our family has our challenges, but I tell you, I have two of the sweetest kids on the planet.  Life can be cruel, uncertain and just plain old mean sometimes, but I'm a firm believer that it's how you react to what life throws you that counts.  I was reading a story the other day of a Mom with two little girls with severe special needs.  This is what she said:

"For the first year of Claire’s life, Hartley said, she and her husband lived in a state of perpetual panic and sadness. The vision of their perfect life had been shattered, and they had no idea how long they’d have their baby girl. But Hartley’s priorities shifted in those 12 months. Perfect was in the eye of the beholder, and to her, she still had the perfect family. She was going to stop mourning the life she didn’t have and celebrate the one she did."

Read the full Washington Post article here

I couldn't help but know exactly what she meant.  I remember coming to that exact conclusion.  That the life I thought I was going to have evaporated, but once I stopped mourning that loss,  I was able to see everything that our family is.  Our beautiful kids bring perspective and joy into our lives every single day.  I'm just so happy that I can realize that and be done mourning my imaginary life.  

New Year Goals

I've heard several people comment on their "word of the year" and I really like the concept of focusing on one area to really lock into and try to improve upon.  The word I have felt (screamed!) prompted to address this year is "busyness".

Let me be the first to say, whenever someone asks me how we are, my reply is typically "busy".  Or many a time I've shared on the blog just how chaotic our life seems to be.  This year, 2016, I'm making a goal to slow the heck down.

In our culture, exhaustion is a status symbol.  If we share with others just how busy our lives are, it is implied that we live meaningful lives that others can marvel at all we have to do.  I have noticed often that many people actually brag about how chaotic their life is, as if to prove just how busier they are than you.  You ever felt that way?  I have.

In the first few weeks of 2016, my Lifegroup (aka church small group), my daily devotional and a Bible study I'm in have addressed "busyness".  When my life feels chaotic I'm stressed, anxious and quite frankly, not very kind.  I lash out on the people I value the most and feel pretty terrible.  And I don't really like that Emmalee.

We had a pretty stressful close to 2015, and our calendar isn't any less full entering the new year, but in gaining a little perspective about slowing down mentally and physically, I already feel so much more peace in my life.  There have been a good many things already this year that would typically cause that twisting knot in my gut whenever I thought about them, but I'm finding myself leaning into Jesus, praying and trusting that issues will be resolved and chaos will not reign.

There's so much we lose out on when worry consumes us and busyness keeps our minds (and bodies!) racing.  I have been a victim to this for much of the last several years.  It's not easy.  Schedules are insane, commitments are never-ending, the Mom-brain never shuts off,  but for me, what matters most is not feeling frazzled and actually being able to connect with my family and my friends.

With all the craziness 2016 is sure to bring, I'm committing to myself that "busyness" will not consume me this year.  I will not take pride in it.  I will do my best to lean into Him.  I'm fully aware there will be failure on my part, but in recognizing it as an issue for me, I already feel like I'm a step ahead.  As my favorite devotional, Jesus Calling says, "Approach this day with awareness of who is Boss!"

Left You Hanging

As the title reveals, I feel like I've left you all hanging.  Here it is the middle of January and I've barely posted anything in the last month.  That should tell you that things have been a bit nuts in the Hinton Household.  Busy and yet, lacking in content to share with you all.

So yeah, we had a very busy few weeks around the holidays.  Though, it was amazinggggg to not have anything on our schedule (for the most part).  Meaning, Elena was home from school, home from the Jackson Center, only had a few therapies over break and we were able to breathe for the first time since this summer.  Not only that, but we had Chad home with us too practically the whole month of December, so it was wonderful to spend time all together as a family without the typical chaos of our constant running.  We stayed put for both Christmas and New Years, which also helped.  Not having to run to 10 Christmases makes the holiday actually feel like it should, time spent with family, relaxing and remembering what we are celebrating.

In January, we always hit the ground running.  Elena returned to school and the JC.  Chad just returned from a tortuously long annual sales conference (and yes, we survived, barely).  And here we are, mid-January.  Honestly, not much to report though.

Elena has been a bit off her sorts in the last couple weeks.  So much so that it warranted a very scary trip to the ER on Sunday (just as Chad was getting on a plane, thank you very much).  They found nothing wrong, which was both comforting and frustrating but she isn't 100% herself yet.  So yeah.  Calvin is crazy energy kid.  Like, how is it that a human can have that much energy?  If only I could have a sliver of that!  Though, he's been such a trooper.  We lost our Wednesday babysitter (while Elena is run to therapy and the JC) this month to a full-time teaching position, so I've had to drag him with me to three-hour afternoons in Mooresville, which is a bit tricky in January.  We had a lead on a new sitter, but that fell through and now I'm in a bind so if you know anyone......  Otherwise, the poor kid will spend every Wednesday, napless in a waiting room for three hours with occasional trips to the Mooresville Meijer.  We're both not looking forward to that.

See, not much to report.  Maybe in the next couple weeks I'll have a spurt of energy and actually something meaningful to share with you all.  Sorry I've left you hanging AND faked you out with this boring post.  If you need me in the meantime, I'll be looking for a babysitter and some inspiration! :)

I'll at least leave you with some cute pictures of the kids:

Elena working with her PT, looking SO big.

We survived without you, Chad!

Breakfast

Lights out

Calvin has discovered how to torture Pete and he's doing great at it!

It's a New Year

Goodbye 2015.  Maybe I should say good riddance?

2015 was not the greatest year.  I'm pretty excited, actually, to bid it goodbye and look forward to the possibilities of a new year.  2015 felt like an entire year of tough things happening to what seemed like everyone I love.  It has been a year of doling out encouragement to people around the clock.  The prayers lists have been long.  The heaviness of their pain has weighed on me.  I'm ready for a new year full of hope, happiness and minimal crises.

Looking back, we have most definitely had bright spots and loads of blessings.  There ALWAYS are, but 2015 ranks up there as being a toughie.  So today, my prayer for all those on my prayer list is for hope to outweigh the hurt this year, confidence to outweigh the fear, and for faiths to be strengthened and renewed.

Our family looks to 2016 encouraged that it WILL be a better year, full of blessings and love.

Happy New Year!

Goodbye Nana

Chad and I had been married only six months.  He had gone down to neighborhood pub with a friend to grab dinner and a beer.  I was sitting at the table in our condo downtown eating dinner when she called.  Her voice was calm but immediately I knew something was wrong.  It was Chad's Mom, Sharlene, and she had just been diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer.

The next few days and weeks were frantic.  Chad spent hours on the phone with cancer organizations getting information, the IU Simon Cancer Center, Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa near where his Mom lived, friends who were doctors, anyone and everyone who could give us any hope.  It was incredibly dire, doctors had suggested she go home and spend time with family, their best guess was about six months left.  But they didn't know Sharlene.

When doctors gave her that diagnosis, they had no idea the fight, the drive, the courage that Sharlene had.  She was young, 55, vibrant, full of life.  They didn't know that she would spend the next nearly six years defying the odds, enduring weekly treatments for the sake of living.  Moffitt Cancer Center provided her with the life prolonging drugs, but she had all the fight.  She endured an unfathomable amount of pain and sickness, but she NEVER complained.  She carried on, battling the disease and soaking up as much life as she could.  As result, we made six years of memories together.  She was able to meet both her grandbabies, watching them grow.  She spent time with the love of her life, Keith, her friends and family.  Precious time.

About a year ago, her health turned and we decided it was best to bring her to Indiana where Chad could better care for her.  He also made the excruciating decision to end her treatments.  We barely expected her to live a couple weeks once up here, but again, she defied the odds.  Her health rebounded and we spent a precious 11 months with her.  Though moving her was an incredibly difficult decision, looking back I know God was subtly letting us know time was running out and having her here allowed us to spend so much more time with her.  We shared holidays, birthdays, sunny Saturdays and quiet evenings together.  All moments and memories we'll cherish forever.

In late September, Chad arranged for one last farewell trip to Florida.  It was a beautiful gift that he was able to give her.  She spent time with precious friends, Keith, her beloved Scooter and Pretty (her dog and cat) and see the ocean one last time.  It was God's perfect timing because soon after her return we started noticing a decline in her energy and mobility.  At Thanksgiving we noticed a few odd symptoms, shared them with her hospice nurse who confirmed that the cancer had again invaded her liver.  We were told things would move quickly.  Chad and I agreed we wanted to bring her home with us.

Things did happen so quickly, much more so than we anticipated.  It sounds silly, because we knew for so long this is how it would eventually end, but it totally caught us off guard.  In a matter of just a few days, she went from telling me she wanted me to cook her vegetables for dinner when she moved in with us, to being non-responsive in a hospital bed in our home.

Amidst all the horror of death, I think about how beautiful it was watching Chad care for his Mom.  I've watched him lovingly, patiently care for her for the last year, but this was different.  The love between them was palpable, even in her unresponsive state.  Every time Chad would tell her he loved her, she would muster every ounce of strength just to move her lips, mouthing "I love you".  Though both fiercely independent, they both desperately needed each other in those final days.  It was both heartbreaking and heart-warming.  There was so much love in our house the last few days.  I can honestly say Sharlene passed peacefully surrounded by it.

In the days following, we've poured over old photographs, mementos and stories of Sharlene.  Looking at things from Chad's childhood, I feel like I've connected with her in a way I never had before, as a Mother.  You could feel the love and pride in every saved art project, English essay, Little League trophy and Honor Roll certificate.  I'm so thankful for the way she helped shape Chad into the person he is.  He is an incredible husband and father, no doubt because of her.

We cry because we miss her but rejoice because her suffering is no more.  We cannot even fathom the joy of spending eternity with our Father, but know she is loving singing His praises.  Our goodbyes are only temporary and we look forward to the day when we see her again!  We found comfort from my daily devotional on December 15th, the day Sharlene breathed her first breath in heaven, which read this:

"Your longing for heaven is good because it is an extension of your yearning for me.  The hope of heaven is meant to strengthen and encourage you, filling you with wondrous Joy.  Many Christians have misunderstood this word hope, believing that it denotes wishful thinking.  Nothing could be farther from the truth!  As soon as I became your Savior, heaven became your ultimate destination.  The phrase hope of heaven highlights the benefits you can enjoy even while remaining on earth.  This hope keeps you spiritually alive during dark times of adversity; it brightens your path and heightens your awareness of My Presence.  My desire is that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  

Jesus Calling, Sarah Young

Many have asked about services for Sharlene.  She made it clear she didn't want any fuss over her, no funeral!  Instead, she just wanted everyone to celebrate her life.  We'll be doing this privately with just our family.  Chad and Keith will then take her ashes back to one of her favorite spots, the picturesque sandbar near her home in Florida where she had so many wonderful times, chair in the water, toes in the sand.  If you would like to honor Sharlene's memory, you can donate to the Moffitt Cancer Center Foundation on her behalf.  Moffitt provided her with outstanding care and no doubt precious time.  Your donation will help breast cancer research and care.  You can donate here and click "donate" or mail your donation to (make sure to designate in memory of Sharlene Hinton on your donation):

Moffitt Cancer Center Foundation

12902 Magnolia Dr.

MBC-FOUND

Tampa, FL  33612

We are so grateful for all the heartfelt messages of love and support of our family and memories of Sharlene.  We celebrate her life!

Sharlene Leone Marquand Hinton

May 5, 1955 - December 15, 2015

"At Last" Mother/Son Dance at our wedding 

August 2009

Nana & Laney May 2014

Sisters, Renee & Shar

August 2014

Nana & Cal

February 2015

Boat Days in Florida

Sandbar with friend Joanne

Cheers to you, Sharlene!

Looks Can Be Deceiving

We had some family pictures done this fall.  I should clarify, not full family photos, but mostly of the kids.  A certain member of our family who hates pictures, ahem Chad, showed up in his work suit (though an always prepared wife brought him clothes!) and didn't want to be in any pictures!  Regardless, the pictures of the kids turned out beautifully!

Take a look...

And just to keep it real,

This is really what taking family pictures is like.  Am I right, Moms?  Sweaty, frazzled, singing, clapping hands, making bribes...NOT the angelic images that appear.  **And no, I did not drop Cal here, we were trying to get a good picture of me with both kids and he laid down to get away from me so I threw up my hands in surrender, all the while holding our 30lb Elena.  Ha!

Speaking of perfect images, Christmas can be a difficult time of comparison, portrayals of beautiful Christmas trees, children in matching pjs, and perfect togetherness.  I try very hard not to portray our life any different than what it truly is.  We are not perfect parents.  We don't have perfect kids.  Our house is often in shambles.  I am often in shambles.  Our life is far from perfect.  

On Sunday, our minister was giving a sermon on this very fact.  Something he said really stuck with me, that we often compare our private life with others' public lives.  I mean how true is this??!  Beneath the images of our perfectly posed kids, our lives really look like the photo above.  But we think we are alone because we only see the outer shiny images of those around us.  I have my own rule when I become tempted to compare my life to that of someone's I see on social media:  those who portray their lives to be the MOST perfect and happy, are the ones I pray for the most.  Because I sense that just beyond that ideal photo, is a hurt/insecurity that they feel the need to cover.  

So, in an effort not to fool any of you....I can't even tell you how exhausted I was after all the effort it took to get even just a few shots of smiles.  (Our photographer, Annie, FOR SURE thinks we are nuts!)  This holiday season, instead of wishing my house was beautifully decorated for Christmas or that my life was somehow more perfect, I think I'll be happy being a sweaty, frazzled, on-the-verge of losing my mind, kind of Mom.  And you all can laugh when you receive our "Hinton Family Bliss" Christmas card! :)