Life's Not Fair

I’ve often quoted my Jesus Calling devotional before (I HIGHLY recommend if you want a quick minute long read of a morning) because it is seemingly always relevant to a life circumstance I’m facing or a friend is facing.  I start my day with it.  It helps me be more introspective, which I think is important.  I make a regular effort to search my heart for things that aren’t kind, honest or true to what I believe or how I want to live my life.  The devotional often gives me the perfect words for a friend or loved one who is on my heart that morning.  Anyway, it’s an excellent way to start your day. 

Speaking of, this morning (April 6^th) was particularly appropriate.  I was talking with a friend the other day who is dealing with her fair share of life’s difficulties.  In our discussion, we both agreed that even though the stuff she is dealing with is the real deal and extremely tough, it’s life.  You know that thing that happens that can knock us to our knees?  Yeah, that thing.  That thing that brings us broken/hurtful relationships, illness, death, people we love with complicated issues, crummy jobs, you name the ailment, that’s it.  And though it’s all reallllllllly tough and typically reallllllllly complicated, I encouraged her in the midst of her difficulty to find something to be grateful for.  Even just the simplest of things.  Gratitude and thankfulness keep our hearts from becoming bitter and resentful, which always leads to more damage, both in our own lives and the lives of those we love.  As it said this morning (using the story of Adam & Eve being dissatisfied with all God’s gifts He had given them),

“When you focus on what you don’t have or on situation that displease you, your mind also becomes darkened.  You take for granted life, salvation, sunshine, flowers and countless other gifts from Me.  You look for what is wrong and refuse to enjoy life until that is “fixed”. 

It’s so easy to jump to this conclusion when something (ahem, life!) isn’t fair or something doesn’t work out the way we had hoped.  I think about my own situation and how wronged I felt (and sometimes still feel) when Elena was injured.  Gosh, it still gets me worked up.  But Chad and I both made a promise that we would NOT focus on ­the what happened and the aftermath of emotions.  We knew it would rob us of the ultimate blessing of it all….that she lived and every day I can kiss her and wrap her up in my arms.  Not to mention the infinite amount of blessings she has been to others and we have received as a result of what happened.  When you’re given a gift, it’s up to you how you will allow your heart to react….with gratitude and appreciation or bitterness and feeling gipped.  We are all selfish by nature, and it’s hard to fight against what we want sometimes, and who doesn’t want things to go their way all the time?!  But the fact is, life happens and it’s hurtful and most certainly unjust.  I keep reminding my friend (and myself quite frankly) that it’s how we react to the hurt, how we learn from it, how God uses it to grow us, that matters.  The best medicine for it?  Gratitude.  It’s against our human nature but I know firsthand, when you look at what you have, what you’ve been given, what is around you, and give thanks for it, your perspective changes.  And guess what, you’ll be thankful for it!

It’s a good reminder to us all, no matter what circumstance we are going through, no matter what injustice we are facing, try not to focus on what’s hurting, what’s missing but all that you DO have.  You may be surprised at what you find......

In case you want to buy Jesus Calling.....

On the Mend

Holy cow.  I literally have been meaning to blog every day for the last two weeks but, oh my goodness, it's been crazy.  We've dealt with three weeks of someone (except Chad, lucky!) being sick in our house.  So ready for warmer weather and to air out our germy house.  We survived most the winter being healthy until the last few weeks so I'm thankful for that.  But Chad has had a crazy work schedule the last few weeks which made things a bit trickier!  Plus, anytime Elena gets sick, it stirs up a host of other issues with her too.  We are ready for spring and good health!

In addition to dealing with sick kids and trying to get myself healthy, I've just had a lot on my mind the last few weeks.  I'm still mourning the loss of my sweet Granny.  It seems like every day it gets a little more real.  Little memories and things she used to say always seem to pop into my head throughout the day.  I was thinking about her at church this morning, so thankful for her life and all that she instilled in me.  At her funeral, her best friend's son made a point to tell me that she had mailed to him my November 3rd post, Dear Melissa, this fall and it had made such an impact on him.  He told me he shared it with his Sunday School class.  I was thinking this morning about how special that was to me.  I appreciate knowing that she was proud of me and my writing and, as usual, was doing her part to share the message of God's love and power with people she loved.  This morning, I wished I could thank her for that.

Spring also brings with it quite a bit of planning for summer and fall schedules.  I'm a planner.  I thrive on knowing what to expect and how I'm going to make it all happen.  This spring, there are quite a bit of things up in the air, which gave me loads of panic and anxiety for about a month.  And while, I'm still anxious to get things on calendars and plan, plan, plan, I know that the next several months are going to take a lot of trust and faith.  So far, I've been pretty proud of myself for letting most of it go.  I've had my moments, but for the most part, I'm praying that everything will work accordingly and just let it fall into place.  I mean, I know that my plans are definitely not HIS plans so taking my white knuckles off the wheel really seems to be the only option at this point.  I'm excited to share with you God's handiwork when a little bit more is worked out!

Fittingly, our sermon this morning was on anxiety and worry.  Just a confirmation to me, that letting go of the worry IS the only option.

Elena's spring break is next week, too, which has us all looking forward to catching our breath for a week before it all picks back up again.  Though I wouldn't mind jetting off for a week at the beach, I really am looking forward to a slower pace and actually getting to do "fun" things instead of all therapy, all the time.

And just because our family is still relishing in the afterglow of victory from last night's defeat of Kentucky to send the Hoosiers to the Sweet 16, Gooooooooo HOOSIERS!

My Granny

I said goodbye to my dear Granny this week.  She had lived a beautiful 91 years, but the blow of her passing was still just as difficult.  She was my last grandparent and we definitely held a special relationship.  She was an amazing person as evidenced by all the people in the last week who have reached out to let us know how she impacted them.

I was honored to be able to speak a few words I had written about her this week at her services.  I just wish I could have shared them with her while she was still here.  I'll share with you what I wrote:

A Grandmother’s Hands

I woke up the other night thinking about Mamaw’s hands.  I wanted just one more chance to hold them.  They were beautiful hands, though she would definitely disagree with you!  They were thick, strong, firm, but also soft, warm and delicate.  They were no dainty Grandma hands.  

Those hands had reared four children, harvested fields, worked the Kentucky and Indiana soil, laundered clothes, cleaned the house, mended the worn, made countless meals for countless bellies, held the hand of her beloved Harold, hugged each of her grandchildren, cradled all her great-grandchildren and clasped together in prayer every night.  Hers were hands that bore the marks of life in all its joys and difficulties.  91 years of a life well-lived.   

I will miss holding those precious hands, turning them over, running my fingers over the veins and thick wrinkles, but find so much peace knowing that Saturday night she reached them out and was greeted by the hands of Jesus, welcoming her into her eternal home.

I actually wrote that the night she passed, though I didn't yet know she was gone.  I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about her hands and pieced this together in my head.  The next morning, I received the news that she was in heaven and thought that this piece wasn't enough for her.  There was so much more to her that I wanted to share.  So I wrote this,

Velma Jane

You’ll notice on her obituary that it says, Velma Buchanan Albertson.  Her maiden name wasn’t included.  It should have read Velma Prather Buchanan Albertson.  Now looking at that, one might think she wasn’t short on names, but to her, her whole life she was missing a name.  A middle name.  I guess that’s what happens when you are the last of eight children.  Mamaw had unofficially given herself the middle name of Jane for as long as I can remember.  My sweet little Velma Jane.  She had so much personality packed into that tiny little frame, there was no room for a middle name and perhaps her parents knew that the name Velma was all she needed.  

Gosh was Mamaw a fireball.  For my 31 years, my Mamaw always made me laugh.  She was full of spunk, quick wit, laughter and even embraced her southern-hollers-in-Pulaski-County-Kentucky hillbilly ways.  She would do anything for us as kids to make us laugh.  This included taking out her dentures on request, showing us her latest exercise contraption, telling us stories of her childhood, wearing her hardhat in the basement during thunderstorms and being scared of everything.

  

This leads me to the list of things she “disliked”.  Mice, snakes, storms, red hair, her hands, bodies of water, flying in airplanes, unlocked doors, her grandchildren having too many children, being hot in a car “Harold!  Shoot that air on back here”, her family travelling anywhere from home and people telling her what to do.  

Which then leads to me the things she loved, Jesus, Harold, her family, pecan pie, sunshine and clear skies (with no chance of bad weather), Kentucky, Wheel of Fortune, basketball, antiques, gospel hymns,  and people.  She loved people.  Granny never met a stranger and if technically, they did happen to be a stranger, she talked to them long enough to figure out someone she knew who knew them or that she was actually related (this mostly happened in Kentucky).  Everyone who knew her loved her.  I adored her.  

She was the true leader, the root of our family.  She instilled in each of us the only things that matter are faith and family.  In fact, the last time I saw her she said to me, “Family is everything, without it, what do we have?”  She loved us all fiercely and prayed for every member of her family every night.  She had lived her life loving Jesus and she knew where her eternity would be spent.  I’m certain that her greatest prayer was that we would all live our lives for Jesus and be reunited one day in heaven.   There will forever be an enormous hole in our family.  We will miss her, her prayers, her love, her humor and her fire.  All that packed into the tiny little four foot something, no need for a middle name, Velma.  We love you, Granny.

She truly was one-of-a-kind, and I somehow knew that all my life.  Saying goodbye to her, was just as difficult as I imagined it would be but what a promise that we have that I will again someday have her wrap me in her arms and usher me into heaven.  

My beautiful Granny with her brand new triplets in 1947.  My Mom came along 14 months later!

Had these special photos taken in 2012

She told me often that she prayed for Elena many times a day, every day.  

One of my favorites, Granny with Elena in October 2011.

The last picture I took with her, October 2015.

My Little Loves

Since my blog inspiration is lacking of late, I thought I would share with you about the kids lately.  I've been telling myself for several days now that I need to post but either I run out of time or I'm not sure what to post about!

But anyway, Elena is finally getting back to her silly self.  We had been battling something the last month or so and are glad to see her on the mend.  She is totally in love with school and continues to let her personality shine through there.  In fact, last week her teacher sent us two videos of Elena with her friends.  One was during music class, where she was quite vocal about how much she loved the groundhog song they were singing and the other of a little boy singing her song, all the while she grinned from ear to ear!  Both of these brought tears to my eyes.  As a parent you always want your child to fit in, but when your child isn't physically able nor can talk, you wonder about the level of interest their peers will have in them.  For us, seeing the children love Elena regardless of her abilities not only makes my heart swell, but reminds me that I wish all people could be as loving and inclusive to those who are different than us.  Elena is such a social little girl and especially loves when other children interact with her.  I pray all the time that Elena's light will always outshine her disabilities so that other's can love her the way she wants to be loved.

She still keeps us on the go with her schedule, but are looking forward to next week which brings us a day off school and a break from the Jackson Center.  Though I wish we were headed to sunny Arizona for a visit with Gramma and Grampa, I just wasn't brave enough (nor had enough hands!) to handle flying with both kiddos alone!  I'll just have to keep suffering through the winter :)

Now about our other wild one!  Boy, Cal just keeps us laughing.  I mean this kid is joy.  He is such a good boy and we are loving watching him grow and his personality emerge.  At almost 22 months, he loves puzzles, blocks and all his sports stuff.  He loves our family dance parties at night, keeping us laughing at his dance moves and his new attempts at singing the songs.  It's pretty hilarious.  About a month ago, he became obsessed with guitars and trumpets.  Any time he hears a song with either, he announces "tars" or "trum-pits".  He says lots of words, but his favorite right now being "no way".  Not just no, but no way.  He has strung together a couple of sentences, my favorite being "I oh you" (interpreted, I love you).  Ever my little helper, he loves putting things away, sweeping, dusting and helping me put on Sis' shoes of a morning.  Cal has the sweetest, gentlest spirit but knows he can be funny, giggling to himself and uttering "oh gosh".  I swear every thing he does I try to take mental picture of it because he's growing so fast.

Our family has our challenges, but I tell you, I have two of the sweetest kids on the planet.  Life can be cruel, uncertain and just plain old mean sometimes, but I'm a firm believer that it's how you react to what life throws you that counts.  I was reading a story the other day of a Mom with two little girls with severe special needs.  This is what she said:

"For the first year of Claire’s life, Hartley said, she and her husband lived in a state of perpetual panic and sadness. The vision of their perfect life had been shattered, and they had no idea how long they’d have their baby girl. But Hartley’s priorities shifted in those 12 months. Perfect was in the eye of the beholder, and to her, she still had the perfect family. She was going to stop mourning the life she didn’t have and celebrate the one she did."

Read the full Washington Post article here

I couldn't help but know exactly what she meant.  I remember coming to that exact conclusion.  That the life I thought I was going to have evaporated, but once I stopped mourning that loss,  I was able to see everything that our family is.  Our beautiful kids bring perspective and joy into our lives every single day.  I'm just so happy that I can realize that and be done mourning my imaginary life.  

New Year Goals

I've heard several people comment on their "word of the year" and I really like the concept of focusing on one area to really lock into and try to improve upon.  The word I have felt (screamed!) prompted to address this year is "busyness".

Let me be the first to say, whenever someone asks me how we are, my reply is typically "busy".  Or many a time I've shared on the blog just how chaotic our life seems to be.  This year, 2016, I'm making a goal to slow the heck down.

In our culture, exhaustion is a status symbol.  If we share with others just how busy our lives are, it is implied that we live meaningful lives that others can marvel at all we have to do.  I have noticed often that many people actually brag about how chaotic their life is, as if to prove just how busier they are than you.  You ever felt that way?  I have.

In the first few weeks of 2016, my Lifegroup (aka church small group), my daily devotional and a Bible study I'm in have addressed "busyness".  When my life feels chaotic I'm stressed, anxious and quite frankly, not very kind.  I lash out on the people I value the most and feel pretty terrible.  And I don't really like that Emmalee.

We had a pretty stressful close to 2015, and our calendar isn't any less full entering the new year, but in gaining a little perspective about slowing down mentally and physically, I already feel so much more peace in my life.  There have been a good many things already this year that would typically cause that twisting knot in my gut whenever I thought about them, but I'm finding myself leaning into Jesus, praying and trusting that issues will be resolved and chaos will not reign.

There's so much we lose out on when worry consumes us and busyness keeps our minds (and bodies!) racing.  I have been a victim to this for much of the last several years.  It's not easy.  Schedules are insane, commitments are never-ending, the Mom-brain never shuts off,  but for me, what matters most is not feeling frazzled and actually being able to connect with my family and my friends.

With all the craziness 2016 is sure to bring, I'm committing to myself that "busyness" will not consume me this year.  I will not take pride in it.  I will do my best to lean into Him.  I'm fully aware there will be failure on my part, but in recognizing it as an issue for me, I already feel like I'm a step ahead.  As my favorite devotional, Jesus Calling says, "Approach this day with awareness of who is Boss!"

Left You Hanging

As the title reveals, I feel like I've left you all hanging.  Here it is the middle of January and I've barely posted anything in the last month.  That should tell you that things have been a bit nuts in the Hinton Household.  Busy and yet, lacking in content to share with you all.

So yeah, we had a very busy few weeks around the holidays.  Though, it was amazinggggg to not have anything on our schedule (for the most part).  Meaning, Elena was home from school, home from the Jackson Center, only had a few therapies over break and we were able to breathe for the first time since this summer.  Not only that, but we had Chad home with us too practically the whole month of December, so it was wonderful to spend time all together as a family without the typical chaos of our constant running.  We stayed put for both Christmas and New Years, which also helped.  Not having to run to 10 Christmases makes the holiday actually feel like it should, time spent with family, relaxing and remembering what we are celebrating.

In January, we always hit the ground running.  Elena returned to school and the JC.  Chad just returned from a tortuously long annual sales conference (and yes, we survived, barely).  And here we are, mid-January.  Honestly, not much to report though.

Elena has been a bit off her sorts in the last couple weeks.  So much so that it warranted a very scary trip to the ER on Sunday (just as Chad was getting on a plane, thank you very much).  They found nothing wrong, which was both comforting and frustrating but she isn't 100% herself yet.  So yeah.  Calvin is crazy energy kid.  Like, how is it that a human can have that much energy?  If only I could have a sliver of that!  Though, he's been such a trooper.  We lost our Wednesday babysitter (while Elena is run to therapy and the JC) this month to a full-time teaching position, so I've had to drag him with me to three-hour afternoons in Mooresville, which is a bit tricky in January.  We had a lead on a new sitter, but that fell through and now I'm in a bind so if you know anyone......  Otherwise, the poor kid will spend every Wednesday, napless in a waiting room for three hours with occasional trips to the Mooresville Meijer.  We're both not looking forward to that.

See, not much to report.  Maybe in the next couple weeks I'll have a spurt of energy and actually something meaningful to share with you all.  Sorry I've left you hanging AND faked you out with this boring post.  If you need me in the meantime, I'll be looking for a babysitter and some inspiration! :)

I'll at least leave you with some cute pictures of the kids:

Elena working with her PT, looking SO big.

We survived without you, Chad!

Breakfast

Lights out

Calvin has discovered how to torture Pete and he's doing great at it!

It's a New Year

Goodbye 2015.  Maybe I should say good riddance?

2015 was not the greatest year.  I'm pretty excited, actually, to bid it goodbye and look forward to the possibilities of a new year.  2015 felt like an entire year of tough things happening to what seemed like everyone I love.  It has been a year of doling out encouragement to people around the clock.  The prayers lists have been long.  The heaviness of their pain has weighed on me.  I'm ready for a new year full of hope, happiness and minimal crises.

Looking back, we have most definitely had bright spots and loads of blessings.  There ALWAYS are, but 2015 ranks up there as being a toughie.  So today, my prayer for all those on my prayer list is for hope to outweigh the hurt this year, confidence to outweigh the fear, and for faiths to be strengthened and renewed.

Our family looks to 2016 encouraged that it WILL be a better year, full of blessings and love.

Happy New Year!